Keep your cool!
by OrbitalStreet
Summary: USxUK One-shot. When England makes a bet with America he's prepared to endure pretty much everything in order to win!…Well, pretty much everything… Rated T because of some boyxboy and some swearing! :D


**~Author's Note~**

HEY U GAIZ? -shot-

This is just something random I wanted to write while taking a small break from Parvus Hero…I need inspiratioooon~! \(;w;)/ BUT! I've no more homework now to do for school so hopefully I'll be able to write a lot more now! Please look forward to it...or something 8D Anyways, let's goooooo with this randomness! (/O_O)/ (and I really think that you all should go and listen to the preview of "Hetalia Ondo" or "World Ondo" or whatever the name of that song is...my point is - IT'S EPIC LIKE HELL! 8D FULL VERSION PLZ?)

_Chapter 1:_

"Iggy, this is booooring! Can't we do something funnier?" America whined while trying to lean on the sandy-blond Briton who was walking beside him with a bag full of groceries in his hand.

"Stop complaining already! You were the one who wanted to join me when I was going to the shop!" England retorted and pushed away the American gently. "You really need to learn some manners, you spoiled brat! Don't you remember anything that I taught-!"

"Iggy Iggy, what's that?" America suddenly interrupted and pointed towards a huge building near them with large steel fence surrounding it. An enormous flock of tourists stood by the fence with cameras and maps in their hands and tried to take photos of every single part of the impressive residence. England sighed heavily, feeling how a headache was on its way.

"That's Buckingham Palace. My queen lives in there." He glared at America. "I thought you knew at least **that** much about my country, you thick-headed Yankee!" America whistled while staring at the palace with an amused look on his face.

"Well, that's not a bad excuse for a house…but my boss's house is a lot cooler! The White House for the win!" he said teasingly while looking at his former mentor. But when he turned his head back towards the castle he took notice of something else apart from the crazy tourists. "Hey Iggy! What are those funny-looking men dressed in red?"

"I just wish that you would stop calling me "Iggy" already…" England sighed and rolled his eyes. "That's the Royal guards that protect the palace. They always stay completely still unless some kind of danger emerges." He proudly straightened his back with his hands resting on his hips. "They are quite impressive, aren't they?"

"…Wait, so you mean that they won't do ANYTHING at all unless someone like, pick up a shotgun and start to go berserk?" America smirked and cupped his hands around his mouth. "HEY! HEY, FUNNY-LOOKING GUARDS! IF YOU THINK YOU'RE STUPID THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!" The guards remained silent without moving a single muscle, and this amused America to no end. "HAHAHA! Did you see that Iggy? They just admitted that they're stupid! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!" he laughed out loud. His eyes started to get teary and he had to rest his hands on his knees in order to keep his balance.

"…_Oh for the love of_…" England muttered and pinched the bridge of his nose – that headache was really starting to hurt by now. He glared at the American who was still laughing his head off. "Stop making fun of them, you twat! They're the ones that protect my monarch, and they deserve some respect!"

"Oh, come on Iggy! You have to admit that it's funny that they don't react unless someone does something crazy!" he sniggled. England crossed his arms with a snort.

"Thankfully I have an immaculate taste of humour so no, I do NOT find that funny. You're just being childish." America crossed his arms as well and started to pout slightly. He was about to answer back to the remark, but then he suddenly came up with an awesome idea.

"What, are you jealous of them or something?" he asked while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"…Why would I?" England retorted simply, making America chuckle.

"Pffft, what do you think? You always lose your temper over even the smallest things!"

"I DO NOT!" England stuttered and tried to kick on America's leg. America however easily avoided it and grinned teasingly towards the sandy-blond man.

"See what I mean?" Realizing what he had just done England quickly regained his posture and cleared his throat while a blush tried to creep up on his face. That had indeed been stupid of him – n-not that he would admit it to the git though! Never!

"T-that's got nothing to do with this! I'm a gentleman, and gentlemen can stay calm and cool no matter what happens." he said solemnly while adjusting his tie.

"Oh suuure, because that's totally what happened ten seconds ago~!"

"SHUT UP!" he hissed and tried to kick America again. "It's just because you get on my nerves all the time! I have no problems keeping my cool if I really have to!"

"You wanna bet on that, old man?" America said while leaning closer, a confident smile decorating his face.

"I've got nothing to lose so why not?" England replied immediately and leaned closer as well. "What about this? If I manage to keep my cool for more than 15 minutes you have to promise not to eat any hamburgers for a week!" America swallowed nervously – that was a really big bet to make after all…but he was sure as hell not going to give up!

"…But if I manage to make you lose your cool you can't have anything except hamburgers for a week!" He wiggled his index-finger in front of England's face. "Not even tea~!"

"Deal!" With an eager nod America reached out his right hand towards England in order to seal the deal. England quickly mimicked the gesture, but when he felt the warmth of America's hand his cheeks started to turn slightly pink for some unknown reason. "Oh bloody hell, don't tell me that I'm getting sick or something…" he thought and quickly shook America's hand. But as soon as their hands separated the blush on his face started to disappear, making England even more baffled. _That had just been…awkward_...But he quickly shoved away all of those thoughts – he had a bet to win. "Now, for the rules - let's see…" England tapped his finger on his chin thoughtfully. After all, making up the right rules was probably the safest way to eliminate America's chances of winning. "You're not allowed to move me by pushing me, pulling me and so on, no tickling-!"

"…Are you TICKLISH?" America interrupted with a laugh.

"…N-NO! Don't interrupt me while I'm talking, git!" The Briton cleared his throat once again and continued. "As I was saying, you're not allowed to tickle me, blow up things, hurt innocent people and stuff like that...oh, and you're not allowed to bring France into this bet." England shivered when he thought about the French frog; sure, he COULD keep his cool no matter what happened, but having to deal with both the frog and the bloody wanker at the same time would be like having to go through hell and back again. But with that pervert out of the way he would probably have no problems with winning the bet. "Got it?"

"Got it!" America replied, flashing a thumb-up. "I don't need any of those things to win anyway! So…shall we start?"

"Bring it on, brat." England replied cockily and leaned towards a close-by column with his hands in his pockets. America grinned widely – there was no way that he was going to lose this one. After all, he knew exactly what to use to make England cringe.

"I hope you're prepared, old man!" He ran one of his hands through his blond hair and hawked slightly, getting ready for using the best weapon of them all against England - insulting. "Iggy, your cooking sucks! I mean, those scones that you like to make are really freaking gross!" **Ouch**. England clenched his teeth slightly, making sure that the git wouldn't notice it. America commenting about his cooking always made him upset, but just this once he would make sure that he didn't react to it. Fortunately for him America didn't seem to become aware of what was going on inside of his mouth – he stood there gaped open-mouthed with surprise.

"…You remember my revolution? Damn, that was AWESOME! I totally owned you back then!" Oh, so he was using the American Revolution-trick now? England felt how something stung his heart, but no! He was NOT going to fall for that! He had repressed his experiences from that war for so many years now, and letting them "set free" now was NOT an option. Even though he had to battle with his feelings England still managed to look completely composed, causing America to become even more confused. After thinking for a short while the blond decided on going with plan B instead since the insulting didn't seem to work for some reason.

"…Look out Iggy, it's an asteroid falling through the sky, and…oh, I think it's about to hit your head!" No response. "…It's a zombie behind you, and it's trying to eat your brain! RUN!" Still no response. "…IT'S A FREAKING UNICORN OVER THERE, IGGY! JUST LOOK AT ITS…eeh…SILKY MANE! LOOK, IT'S ALL FLUFFY!"

"You have to do better than that, lad, because that doesn't even make me even the slightest less calm." England said while pretending to yawn. America stared at him dumbfounded and waved with his hands, trying to come up with something to say. What the hell was he supposed to say to make England react when not even the _unicorn-trick_ worked? A few sweat drops started to run down his face even though it was a chilly spring day.

"…Wait here!" he muttered and started to run down the street, trying to pull up his cell phone from his pocket while running. England closed his eyes with a confident grin - he could almost feel the taste of victory already.

**OxOxO **

With a small sip on his delicious green tea Japan let out a deep sigh. His day had been peaceful so far; the only thing that had happened so far was that he had gotten a call from his boss earlier. Which was exactly why he was worried. He was so used to being interrupted by various hyper countries so having a serene day like this felt…well, a little weird! He raised the bowl towards his lips, ready to take another sip.

_RING RING._

The familiar ringtone coming from his black old-fashioned telephone caused the Japanese man to feel a little uneasy – something told him that his peaceful day could be ruined if he answered it. Still he decided on putting down his bowl on the table and picking up the telephone receiver – it could be his boss calling after all.

"…Hello?"

"JAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!" a high-pitched voice suddenly shouted, forcing Japan to keep the phone as far away from him as possible. When he was able to bring it back to his ear he could hear someone sob through the receiver.

"…A-america-san? Is it you? P-please calm down!"

"Japaaaan!" America whined loudly, forcing Japan to remove the receiver from his ear once more. "I need your help! I made a bet with Iggy about if I could make him lose his cool, and if I don't win I can't have any hamburgers for a week, and I only have ten minutes left and-!"

"America-san!" Japan interrupted. "Please calm down, I can't understand what you're saying when you're panicking like that! Take a deep breath and explain once more what's wrong." He could hear how the voice on the other end made a quick exhaling.

"I have to make Iggy lose his cool 'cause otherwise I can't eat hamburgers for a week, and I only have a few minutes left!" America repeated and looked at a clock nearby. It almost looked like the second-hand and the minute-hand had switched places just to tease him. "Japan, you HAVE to help me with this one! I've called almost everyone I know, besides France since I'm not allowed to involve him, and asked them for advice, but none of them could or wanted to help me! I even tried to ask….ehum…I don't remember who it was, but he couldn't help me either! Please Japan; I'm on my knees begging!"

"…So, you're trying to make England-san lose his cool, huh?" Japan asked while rubbing on his forehead, trying to think of a way to help his friend. He had never thought about how to make England upset before so coming up with a plan like that in such a short period of time was-!...Unless…

_Unless…_

A small smile spread across his face – oh, how he had waited for a chance like this! -, and as he wiped away some of the nose blood that had started to emerge from one of his nostrils with the palm of his hand he interrupted the American on the other end, who had started to sob again.

"…I think I've got the perfect plan for you, America-san."

**OxOxO**

"Only three more minutes to go and I'm the winner of this stupid bet." England said with a smirk and looked at his small fairy-friends that were circulating around his head. They had come to keep him company as soon as America had left him, and when he had told them about the bet they had all started to giggle like little schoolgirls.

"Oh, but Mr England! Don't you think that Mr America might have gotten hold of something that can make you lose?" a purple-coloured fairy asked with a frown on her small face.

"No way!" England chuckled. "If I know that idiot correctly, and I sure as hell do, he won't be able to come up with somethi-!"

"HEEEEY IGGY!" a familiar voice suddenly called out, and England saw how America was running towards him, looking….happy? He shooed away the giggling fairies that disappeared into thin-air before he quickly went back into his laid-back position towards the column. "Iggy, Iggy!" America screamed as he finally reached the Briton. "Now I know how I'm going to win the bet!" England didn't answer but he couldn't help but smile slightly - it didn't matter what kind of tactic America had, he would still be the winner in the end. Nothing in the world could make him lose his cool if he really tried!

"HAH!" he thought. "Do your best, you idiot, do your b-!"

_**SMACK.**_

"…"

…Okay, he had NOT expected that. Sure, he had been preparing himself for facing anything between heaven and earth, anything between freaky aliens and famous pop stars. Bloody hell, he was even prepared for America bringing an atom bomb or something like that with him! But this! Feeling how the git's blond fringes had touched his forehead when he had leaned towards him…seeing how the wanker had closed his sky-blue eyes slowly when he was getting closer…feeling the Yankee's lips gently meeting his like that…no, he had certainly NOT expected that, not in a million, no; BILLION years! When America jerked away from the kiss England finally realized what had just happened, and he quickly covered his mouth while his face turned into a dark shade of red.

"….W-W-W-W-WHAT THE B-BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he screamed, feeling how his heart started to beat faster and faster by every second that passed by. Even his ears had started to heat up as well! America on the other hand beamed like a sun and eagerly clapped his hands.

"Haha! You lost your cool! That means that I wiiin~!" he exclaimed loudly and started to run down the street at top speed. "I really gotta thank Japan for helping me out with this one, or what do you say, Iggy? I sure hope you'll enjoy eating nothing but tasty burgers for a week, you lucky bastard!" he shouted with his face turned back towards the sandy-blond. England just stood there speechless with his face still looking like a tomato. Thanking Japan? What the bloody hell did Japan have anything to do with-?

_Oh….Oh…OH!_

"…OH JAPAN YOU ARE SO _DEAD_!" He hissed and clenched his fist, earning weird looks from an older woman walking past him. As he watched America running away with his face still turned towards him while waving eagerly it almost felt like his blood started to boil - literally. "YOU BOTH ARE!" And so, a pissed-off Briton ran after the laughing American with his fist raised up in the air, leaving a bag full of groceries all alone in the middle of the street.

**OxOxO**

And at the very same moment in a country far away from England a Japanese man sat in his kitchen, trying to figure out a way to get hold of the tapes in the security cameras near Buckingham Palace.

**~The End of "Keep your cool!"~**

TOLD YA IT WAS RANDOM! 8D -shot again- At first I was thinking about letting Artie dress up like one of the Royal guards and stuff…but when I started to write I was like "…Wait, that wouldn't make any sense at all…?" so yeah, it turned out like this instead 8D Anyways, I hope that at least someone enjoyed reading this, because otherwise I might get sad…OR I'll go berserk with a shotgun! 8D Oh Alfred, how you inspire me~!

_Awesome people review fanfics. Are you awesome?_


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